What Am I Doing?

So I think I’m finally ready to jump into this. For about a month I’ve been putting it off.

When I decided to start blogging, I planned to record my journey from NYC to Amsterdam. What I’m most excited about is sharing my experiences once I’m actually living in Amsterdam. So it’s kind of logical that I wouldn’t have much to say at this point since I haven’t quite figured out why or how I’m getting to Amsterdam. That’s a tricky one.

Okay, I’m not completely lacking a plan. I’m just lacking a plan B or C. And just to prove that I want to move there really badly, I’m seeing a need to come up with plans D-Y (if it gets to the point of consulting a plan Z, I’m gonna assume it’s not meant to be).

The primary plan is school. A one-year Master’s program at the University of Amsterdam. I won’t get into the details of it until I’m ready (read: when I think there is no longer any jinxing potential). I sent my application last month. And one of my professors is supposed to be sending her letter of recommendation directly to them. That variable is making me most nervous. But I’m honestly nervous about all of it. What if she never sends the damn letter? What if my application stinks? What if they make copies of my personal statement and include it in future application packets as an example of what not to do? Huh? What if that happens?? I’d be embarrassed…then I’d move onto plan B.

School is definitely the most sensible path. It would be setting me up for what I plan to do next in life, which is start a nonprofit. More details on that to come, I’m sure (this pesky jinx thing, sorry). And it’s also simpler when moving to another country to do so as a student. Without any unique skills or Dutch-speaking abilities, finding a job would be impossible. I also like the idea of being a student again. After law school I thought, “nevah evah again!!!!” But that trauma has passed and I’m down for one more year of learning. So the school thing is perfect…as long as I’m accepted. And as long as I have enough money to pay for it.

And that’s where I keep stopping. I reflect on how perfect the plan is, then panic when I notice its holes. More work on the backup plans definitely must be done. And that’s what I’ll be doing until something comes to fruition.

If uncertainty isn’t your thing, you may want to join me after I’ve figured all of this out. Until then, I’m expecting a bumpy (and emotional…definitely emotional) ride.

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