24 hours of mood swings

A couple of days ago I was sleeping hard.  Like that painful kind of sleep.  It was my recovery from a Tuesday/Wednesday emotional roller coaster that wouldn’t quit.  It. just. wouldn’t. quit.

Tuesday – 4pm.  Confidence wavering.   I think this is a good place to start.  I had been working in one of the University’s basement computer labs for most of the day.  And I was in the process of cutting a class for the very first time this semester.  An assignment was due on Wednesday morning – quantitative data analysis using SPSS, a computer program.  I was feeling pretty confident about the statistics stuff.  So although I could have started working on it last week, I thought Monday and Tuesday would be plenty of time.  But after spending the vast majority of Monday trying to install SPSS on my computer (a shockingly long and lost battle), I was left with far less time to finish the thing.

Since I needed SPSS to even begin the assignment, I would have to start and finish it at a computer lab on Tuesday.  So I worked on it, experiencing some setbacks and breakthroughs along the way.  But by 4pm, I was beginning to realize time was going by faster than I was working.

Tuesday – 6pm. Irritated.  Apparently the University thinks 6pm is an acceptable time to close a student study center.  I was on the hunt for another computer with SPSS on it.  I knew of two more labs.  The one I chose would close at 7.  I was limited to one more hour on SPSS.  I would have graphs and tables all ready.  But I would just have to analyze them on my computer at home.

Wednesday – 2am. Agitated and nervous.  Although I expected a smooth process once I opened up the graphs on my computer, the computer’s temperamental personality made an appearance.  The charts and things wouldn’t open.  And on top of that, the computer was freezing every 30 or 40 minutes.  But as long as I could get to the earliest opening computer lab at 8:30 am, I could make it.  But at the rate it was all going, I wasn’t sure if I would sleep.

Wednesday – 5am. Tired with acceptance.  After an incredibly painful process with my computer, I was finally finished – long after I expected to be.  Although I knew I would only have a brief nap before I would have to rush to the computer lab, I was just happy to have completed the hard part.

Wednesday – 8:45am.  Completely panicked.  After arriving at the library at about 8:35, I was facing the absolute slowest computer start-up in history.  I was literally sweating and shaking.  I would describe it as a mini breakdown.

Wednesday – 8:59am.  Relieved.  After a magically speedy editing job, I was finished.  I handed it in electronically.  And I was calm.

Wednesday – 9:15am.  Furious.  The perfect way to celebrate would have been to purchase tickets to one of the Prince concerts in July.  They went on sale on Tuesday.  I was worried they would be sold out.  But no. They had tickets.  They just wouldn’t let me pay for the purchase.  I tried everything.  Imagine my rage.

Wednesday – 1pm.  Ecstatic. After getting some work done and attending a class, I finally got through on the phone.  I had a ticket to see Prince.  To know me is to know how happy that makes me.

Wednesday – 4pm.  Like I’m the shit.  Not only was I still awake and functioning, I was wrapping up a perfectly awesome meeting about my internship.  They gave me really positive feedback on my proposal.  And after dragging our feet to really get started, we’re making a big push to make it happen over the next couple of weeks.  I’ve already been introduced to some dope historians and genealogists who are teaching me a ton, and enthusiastically offering to provide support throughout the projectWe talked about the significance of uncovering the stories of Surinamese families, including the challenges of enslaved people and some interesting trends among free people.  They seemed as anxious to get started as I am.  Overwhelmingly exciting. 

But while I was having some type of conversation about genealogy, as the meeting went along, all I could think about was my excitement to get home to tear up some sleep.

2 thoughts on “24 hours of mood swings

  1. DANA!!! I am so glad your mini-meltdown was short lived. But I TOTALLY understand the fear and panic that sets in, especially when a deadline like that is looming. Congratulations on getting it in, though! And congrats on the great feedback for your internship. You are totally still kicking ass.

    And YAY for Prince tickets!


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