She’s Come Undone

I’ve been back in Amsterdam for over a week.  Actually, well over a week.  But something terrible is happening.  I’m unraveling.  Completely.

Initially I blamed it on exhaustion.  I had a terribly uncomfortable flight back to this side, involving a broken middle seat that would slowly return to the fully upright position each time I moved my head.  I slept so hard the following night that it almost hurt.  And then, for the next several days, I blamed jet lag.  I support the belief that everyone is allowed to feel a little “off” after traveling a long distance.  But a week and a half?  According to wikipedia, I should be recovered by now.

Wide awake at 4am.  Multiple naps getting me through a day.  Looking at outside like it’s a scary place.  Getting very little accomplished.  I have fully embraced my lazy, homebody, night-owl tendencies.

Since I first arrived in Amsterdam in January, I’ve felt pretty busy.  Even when I wasn’t doing anything, I had something to worry about.   But now, having graciously granted myself the summer off, I’ve got nothing to force me to be normal.  Apparently, the things that I’ve been trying to get away from all of these years, such as responsibility and deadlines, are the things that keep me functional…and normal.

Of course I still have plenty to do, particularly the genealogy research for my internship and identifying funding opportunities that will allow me to live life as planned after school.  And I still have plenty to worry about, most of which come back to money (why always?).  But overall, things are just pretty calm.  I live in Amsterdam, my rent is paid, my life is good…blah, blah, blah.

Is this what makes me feel like I’m melting into my couch? It’s crazy.  Are there support groups for people without real problems?

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