Perhaps the most extended silence on the blog has just passed. I wish I had an excuse – maybe I haven’t had a minute to write; or perhaps I forgot my WordPress password. But nothing like that. I’ve had plenty of time. And Chrome remembers all of my passwords. I’ve even had things I wanted to write. But I’ve just been unable to commit to the finality of blogged words. Many of my thoughts have felt fleeting. Most of my grievances have passed. And a bunch of my recent “lessons learned” have been challenged. So even if I had written in the last couple of months, I probably would have wanted to take them back. Turns out I just needed some time to be quiet.
And now, as I’m sitting in the Suriname airport, waiting for my Amsterdam flight to board, the journey I’ve been on seems to have adopted a new and welcome tone. I’ve spent 9 months in Suriname (10, counting the brief stay last year). I came here with the intention of working on a pilot project for Ancestors unKnown, investing lots of time and energy into business development, researching other people’s ancestors in the local archives, and securing sources of income (for me and the organization). Although the last task continues to elude me, I can confidently say I’ve accomplished my goals. And I’m feeling really…calm. I’m in a place of (quiet) satisfaction. I’m satisfied with what I’ve done. And I’m satisfied with where I’m going.
With the many flights between here, there, and elsewhere, I had begun to feel like I was moving in a circle rather than one consistent direction. And, quite frankly, the dizzying effect of the frequent moves was tiresome. But now, as I prepare to make an international move yet again, it feels different. Because once I’m on the ground in Amsterdam, I think I’ll be ready to call that place home. So I’m really looking forward to getting back in the air, and finally getting my feet on solid ground.
I’ll deal with the hard parts when I get there.